I've had this one on my bookshelf for a very long time. I picked it up again last month, and read it every now and then until I finished it.
Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves, by C. Terry Warner
5 stars: The truth will set you free
Warner talks about negative emotions, and the ways in which we justify ourselves--which causes us to come up with the emotions to match the story we've made up. This book also covers collusion in a relationship, and other destructive cycles. Most importantly, it gives you tools to look at things with a fresh, truer perspective, that will change your relationships--if you let it.
Here's the power of this book: One time in particular, I was frustrated and resentful at something that my husband had said to me. I went upstairs and read this book for 10-15 minutes. In that time, my perspective shifted and I could see myself clearly, and my own part in what had just transpired--particularly my true motivations and justifications. The frustration and resentment melted away and I felt humble, contrite, and more loving towards my husband.
Your husband, your stubborn 3-year-old, your annoying coworker--none of them have the power to make you mad. None of them cause you to feel a certain way. You create those feelings, every one of them. That may be disheartening at first, but really, it's a source of great hope and freedom. If you've created those feelings, you can choose to create different ones. The way to do that is to see the people and relationships in your life through a more clear lens. Once you see the truth, and take ownership in your own part of the problems, the issues often resolve themselves.
I found it to be powerful and very helpful. This is one I feel like I should re-read once a year to get my head (and heart) back in the right place.
Have you a great book on relationships lately? Do tell!
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